[Guest blog post by SMART Facilitator Rick Kuplinski]
In our SMART Recovery meetings, we share a story to show how what we think shapes how we feel, and how those feelings influence what we do, which includes the choices we see and the actions we decide to take. It’s a story I learned from several other SMART Recovery facilitators, each of whom tells it in their own way. My version goes like this...
Four people are out for a morning walk when each of them simultaneously steps into a big pile of dog poop. But each has a different emotional reaction and each of their reactions leads to a different consequence.
Person 1 gets angry.
Person 2 gets sad.
Person 3 gets anxious.
Person 4 gets happy.
What accounts for their different reactions? Answer: Each has formed a different BELIEF about the situation.
Person 1 is angry because he believes this should never happen to him because people must always clean up after their dogs. When other people do not meet his demands, it is perceived as a personal offense. As a consequence of his belief, Person 1 was in a foul mood all day and lost his temper about every little thing that violated his sense of how the world should work for him.
Person 2 is sad because she believes that stepping in dog poop is the latest in a series of events that prove how awful her life has become. “It’s not fair! Why am I always the one stepping in it?” she thinks. As a consequence of her belief, Person 2 begins thinking how everything in her day ahead is likely to turn out badly.
Person 3 is anxious because he believes that it would be painfully embarrassing if anyone saw him stepping in poop. What a fool, they would think of him. They probably would start talking behind his back and calling him a name like Stinky Shoe. As a consequence of his belief, Person 3 decided he won’t go for a walk again that week. It is just too risky.
Person 4 is happy because she believes she is lucky; lucky to be wearing her old sneakers instead of the open-toed sandals she considered wearing. As a consequence of his belief, Person 4 was filled with gratitude and decided to extend the length of her walk on such a wonderful day.
At this point in the story, we discuss what effect each person’s belief about stepping in it might have on addiction. We find it easy to agree on which of these four people might be more likely to feel the need for relief through the misuse of their preferred substance (or by engaging in a non-substance behavior to excess or in an unhealthy way). We also find it easy to agree on which of the four would not.
The conclusions we can draw from the story include:
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It's not the external act of stepping in it that causes the emotional distress that might lead to unwanted consequences; but rather it is our internal reaction to the situation.
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We have the power to choose how we react in that space between the stimulus (stepping in it) and the response (becoming angry, sad, anxious, happy) which influences the actions we take (or don’t) in relation to the unfortunate event.
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Using this power is itself a choice. We must be motivated to catch ourselves in situations where we’ve stepped in it. We need to take a moment to check our thinking in reaction to the situation and to ask if is appropriate and proportionate, if it based on truth and logic, and whether it is likely to lead to helpful or unhelpful consequences. Then, we can work to change our emotional response to the one we choose.
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This is a skill that must be learned and practiced. And this is where we connect the lessons of this story to practical wisdom contained in the SMART Recovery Handbook. We apply its tools of Disputing Unhelpful Beliefs and the ABC for dealing with everyday equivalents of “stepping in it.”
In SMART, we explore the power of practicing gratitude and acceptance for maintaining a healthy outlook on life even amid unfortunate events. We discuss the relevance of effective emotional regulation to managing triggers and thoughts that might lead to urges and coping with urges themselves should they occur. And we share how journaling or using the worksheets and logs contained in the handbook help us track the progress we are making in seeing ourselves, our situations, and our future as we choose it to be.
So the next time you step into an uncomfortable situation or encounter an unpleasant individual remember that you can choose how to respond. And it the future, just watch where you step!
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