[Guest blog by SMART Facilitator Austin Farrell]

 

In many SMART Recovery meetings I’ve facilitated, the question “Do I have a problem?” comes up.

It’s a deeply human question and one that carries a lot of weight. When it’s asked, it’s rarely simple or direct. It often comes with hesitation, reflection, and mixed feelings. Sometimes people share that they aren’t sure where the line is. They might say they’d probably be better off without alcohol or other behavior, or that they don’t like where things are heading, but they’re still uncertain whether it “counts” as a problem.

That kind of uncertainty is something many of us can relate to. It’s not denial or avoidance. It’s part of how change begins. But it can also feel like a hard place to sit, because if the answer turns out to be yes, what does that mean?

Does it mean I’m one of “those people”?

Does it mean I’ll have to stop completely, maybe forever?

Does it mean there’s something wrong with me, something broken in my character?

Those questions can feel overwhelming. For some, those thoughts make the idea of change feel too heavy to explore any further. And given that framing, who could blame them?

Why the Word “Problem” Feels So Heavy

The word “problem” carries a lot of weight. It sounds moral, medical, or final, as if it draws a line between “normal” people and “problem” people. It suggests something is wrong with you, rather than simply something in your life that could be adjusted or improved.

That’s why so many people hover in that gray area, not ready to claim they have a problem but not fully comfortable with how things are going either. They can see both sides: the comfort and the cost.

At SMART, we recognize that ambivalence, that torn feeling of uncertainty, isn’t weakness. It’s part of the change process. It’s your mind doing its job, weighing pros and cons, testing readiness, and protecting identity. The goal isn’t to force yourself to decide yes or no but to explore what improvement might look like if you gave yourself permission to consider it.

Reframing the Question

What if instead of asking “Do I have a problem?” we asked,

“Would my life be improved with changes?”

It seems like a subtle shift, but it changes things drastically.

The first question demands a judgment, a label, a verdict. The second invites curiosity.

The first can make you defensive. The second opens space for exploration.

When you ask whether your life would be improved with changes, you’re not labeling yourself. You’re simply asking, “Could things be better?” That’s a question most of us can safely, even eagerly, explore.

What Happens When We Reframe It

Once the fear and judgment are removed, honest reflection becomes possible. You can start to look at your situation with curiosity rather than self-criticism.

Questions like these often help open that space:

  • How would changing my behavior improve my life?
  • How is my drug of choice or maladaptive behavior currently serving me?
  • What needs is it meeting — comfort, connection, relief, escape?
  • Are there other ways I could meet those needs that move me closer to the life I want?

These questions aren’t about proving anything. They’re about understanding the role your behavior plays, what it gives you, what it costs you, and whether it still fits the person you’re trying to become.

When you start from curiosity rather than condemnation, change feels less like punishment and more like possibility. You shift from asking “What’s wrong with me?” to “What could be better for me?”

SMART Tools for Exploring Change

SMART offers practical tools that help us look at these questions clearly and realistically.

  • The Cost-Benefit Analysis (CBA) helps you look at what your behavior is giving you and what it’s taking away. It’s not about guilt, it’s about information.
  • The Hierarchy of Values helps you compare your current choices with what truly matters to you. Are your actions aligned with your deeper priorities — family, health, freedom, purpose?
  • The Change Plan Worksheet helps you translate insight into small, realistic, and not-so-scary steps forward.

Each of these tools helps you make decisions based on your own reasoning and values, not on a label, diagnosis, or someone else’s definition of a “problem.”

The goal isn’t to answer “Do I have a problem?” once and for all. It’s to understand your life well enough to decide what direction you want to go next.

From Insight to Action

Once you begin viewing change through this lens, something important happens. The process no longer feels like an all-or-nothing identity shift. It becomes a series of choices you can approach with honesty and self-respect.

You don’t need to declare anything to start improving your life. You don’t even have to be certain what change looks like yet. All you need is the willingness to explore, to test, to adjust.

If you’ve been wrestling with the question “Do I have a problem?” maybe instead try asking,

“Would my life be improved with changes?”

The answer might not define you, but it could free you.

Closing Reflection

Change often begins not with certainty but with curiosity. By shifting from self-judgment to self-understanding, you open the door to a more balanced, self-directed life, one that’s not defined by fear or labels but by growth.

That’s the heart of SMART Recovery: not asking, “What’s wrong with me?” but “What’s possible for me?”

 

SMART Recovery is a science- and evidence-informed program that provides educational and peer support to those who want to abstain and gain independence from all addictive behaviors, whether or not they involve alcohol or drugs. The program emphasizes building motivation and self-empowerment skills, employing strategies to control urges, managing thoughts at the root of addictive behaviors and living a healthy, balanced life. Go to the “Meetings” tab at www.smartrecovery.org to find an in-person or online meeting to attend.