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Setting Healthy Boundaries

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Introduction

Healthy boundaries can help you protect your time, energy, and well-being. They help reduce stress, prevent resentment, and support long-term change, especially when you're working on recovery or personal growth.

Why Boundaries Matter

 

Boundaries aren’t brick walls; they’re fences. They mark out your personal space, rights, and preferences. Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out. They’re about making relationships more respectful and workable.
  • Boundaries are about your needs, not about changing or controlling others.
  • They create space for safety, respect, and self-care in your relationships.
  • Boundaries can be physical, emotional, or behavioral. Examples:
    • Saying no to something that drains you
    • Asking for space or privacy
    • Requesting a specific behavior change
You have the right to protect your peace, and to stay connected on your terms.

Step 1: What Makes Boundaries Hard?

Before you practice setting boundaries, take a moment to reflect:
  • What situations make it hard for you to set or keep boundaries?
  • Do you ever feel guilty, anxious, or unsure when trying to speak up?
  • Are there specific people or patterns that challenge your boundaries?

Common challenges:

  • Fear of conflict or rejection
  • Feeling selfish for saying no
  • Not knowing how to phrase it clearly

Step 2: A Simple Boundary-Setting Formula

Try this clear and respectful 3-part formula:

I feel (emotion)
When (specific behavior happens)
Can I ask you to (reasonable request)?

Example:

“I feel frustrated when plans get changed last minute. Can I ask you to let me know earlier next time?”

This approach keeps the focus on your experience and your needs, without blame or judgment.

Step 3: Practice on Your Own

Think of a real situation where you need to set a boundary.

Reflection prompts:

  • What’s happening that doesn’t feel okay to you?
  • How are you feeling when it happens?
  • What would help you feel more respected or supported?

Now, fill in the formula:

I feel _______
When _______
Can I ask you to _______?

Keep Practicing

Setting boundaries gets easier with time. Try starting small. You don’t need to justify or over-explain your needs.

If someone pushes back, it doesn't mean your boundary is wrong, it means it's working.

Reflection Questions

  • How did it feel to write or say your boundary out loud?
  • What do you think might happen if you try this in real life?
  • What’s one small boundary you can try setting this week?

Example Scenarios

PDF 08/19/2024

Identifying Unhelpful Thinking Styles Example Scenario