Personify and Disarm

The urges you feel aren’t you. They’re an impulse or a reaction-something separate from you. For some, personifying urges can create a helpful boundary. To help something abstract like an urge feel more concrete and manageable, you can use the Personify and Disarm tool.

Urges can feel intense and convincing—but they aren’t you. They’re temporary impulses, shaped by past habits, stress, or emotion. One way to weaken their grip is to give them a name and treat them like an outside force trying to manipulate you. That mental shift can create enough distance to help you pause, reflect, and choose a different response.

The Personify and Disarm tool helps you:

• Create emotional distance from urges
• Respond to urges with clarity and confidence
• Reduce the power of self-sabotaging thoughts
• Stay grounded in your goals instead of getting swept up in a craving

This tool works especially well for urges that show up with a strong internal voice—like the ones that say, “You deserve it,” or “Just one more won’t hurt.” You don’t have to believe that voice. You can talk back.

Use the worksheet to guide yourself through the steps below. Don’t worry about getting it perfect. The goal is to practice responding to urges with more intention.

Step 1: Name the Urge

Think of an urge you’ve experienced recently. If that urge had a personality, what would it be like? Give it a name that helps you recognize it without judgment.

Examples:

• The Smooth Talker
• The Whiner
• The Hurt Child
• The Negotiator
• The Saboteur
  
  

Step 2: Identify What It Says

What does your urge try to convince you of? Write down a few examples of the “scripts” it uses.

Examples:

• “You’ve earned this.”
• “This is too hard—you can’t do it.”
• “Everyone else is doing it.”
• “You’re already messed up, so why stop now?”
  
  

Step 3: Talk Back to the Urge

Now write down what you want to say back. This is your moment to take the power back from the urge voice.

Examples:

• “You’re lying to me again, and I’m not listening.”
• “I hear you, but I’m not giving you the mic today.”
• “You’re not in charge—I am.”
• “You’re not worth trading my goals for.”

You can say it out loud, write it down, or repeat it internally when the urge shows up.

Tip: Rejecting Pressure

If someone else is pressuring you to engage in a behavior you're trying to avoid, try this approach:

• Make eye contact to show you’re serious
• Speak in a firm, calm, confident voice
• Don’t feel guilty—you have the right to choose
• After saying no, change the subject. Don’t keep defending your choice

Whether the pressure is internal or external, you get to decide how you respond.

• What name or identity feels right for your most common urge?
• What does that urge try to convince you of—and how can you talk back?
• How does it feel to treat the urge as something separate from yourself?
• When might this strategy help you stay on track in the coming week?

 Use the Personify and Disarm worksheet to walk through your next strong urge. Naming it and talking back can help you gain control in moments that used to feel automatic.