[Guest blog by SMART Facilitator Michael Cupps]
We all carry the weight of our pasts—our mistakes, failures, missed opportunities, and even the stories we’ve told ourselves about who we are. These experiences shape us, but they don’t have to define us. Too often, we allow our pasts to create limits that hold us back from embracing the future with open arms. What if we recognized that our past isn’t a cage, but a springboard?
The Power of Permission
Permission is a powerful concept. Often, we wait for others to grant it to us—a boss to approve a project, a friend to give advice, or a loved one to offer validation. But what if the permission you’ve been waiting for is your own?
When we give ourselves permission, we open doors to new possibilities. It’s about embracing the fact that our future is not predetermined by what’s come before, but shaped by the choices we make now.
Redefining Our Past Views of Happiness
For many, one of the greatest challenges to living beyond the limits of our past is recognizing that our earlier definitions of happiness may no longer serve us. This can be particularly difficult for those who have struggled with addictive behaviors. Often, we attach happiness to moments of celebration that, in hindsight, were actually rooted in destructive or unhealthy actions.
However, as we grow, we come to realize that these celebrations of bad behavior were often masking deeper issues—whether it was a desire to escape, to fit in, or to numb ourselves from pain. Redefining our views of happiness means acknowledging that true fulfillment doesn’t come from fleeting highs or dangerous lows.
The journey toward living beyond our past involves recognizing that we can get more out of new, healthier behaviors. Instead of seeking happiness in the things that once held us back, we can find joy in the progress we make and the clarity that comes from making better choices.
Breaking Old Narratives
The stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we’re capable of often come from the past. Perhaps we’ve been told we’re not talented enough, not smart enough, or not worthy enough to achieve our dreams. Over time, we internalize these messages, and they become part of our identity.
But these stories are just that—stories. They are not facts, and they can be rewritten. Ask yourself: Are these beliefs true?
One tool that can be especially helpful in this process is the Hierarchy of Values from the SMART Recovery program. This tool helps you prioritize what truly matters in your life and recognize how your past behaviors align—or don’t align—with those values. By understanding your values, you can reshape your narrative to reflect who you want to become, rather than who you once were. This exercise can help you reorient your decisions and actions toward the life you desire.
Embracing Change and Growth
Another reason we limit ourselves based on the past is our resistance to change. It’s human nature to stick with what’s familiar, even if it no longer serves us. But growth requires us to step outside our comfort zones. Living beyond the limits of our past means being willing to embrace change, even when it feels uncomfortable.
Growth isn’t about forgetting the past; it’s about using the lessons of the past to evolve into a better version of ourselves.
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), used in SMART Recovery, helps you identify irrational beliefs that keep you stuck and replace them with rational, empowering thoughts. By challenging negative self-talk and harmful beliefs, you now have a catalyst for change. It helps you take control of your emotional and behavioral responses, empowering you to grow beyond the limits of your past and step into a future defined by your values.
Practicing Self-Compassion
A crucial part of giving ourselves permission to live beyond our past is practicing self-compassion. Too often, we are our own harshest critics. But self-compassion reminds us that we are human, and humans make mistakes.
SMART Recovery encourages the idea that change is possible at any time, and this requires a deep sense of self-forgiveness. It’s about recognizing that your past behaviors do not define your worth. Once you forgive yourself for past actions, you free yourself from the burden of shame and guilt. This act of forgiveness gives you the mental and emotional space needed to embrace change and build new, healthier habits.
The Path Forward
Giving ourselves permission to live beyond the limits of our past is a radical act of self-love. It requires us to release the grip of old narratives, embrace change, and practice self-compassion. It means recognizing that our past is not a blueprint for our future, but rather a chapter in our story.
Our future is ours to create. Give yourself permission to get started.
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Michael Cupps is an efficiency expert working with individuals and teams to help them become more successful. He is the author of Time Bandit - a simple method for individuals and teams to take control of their time and tasks to achieve better results www.timebandit.io