[Guest blog post by SMART Facilitator Rick Kuplinski]
The tool called Define Your Values, also known as the Hierarchy of Values (HOV), is probably familiar to everyone who participates in SMART Recovery. This exercise in listing and recommitting to what one considers truly important is often a cathartic experience that brings into sharper focus how the life we aim to live has been undermined, comprised, sabotaged or even destroyed by our behavior(s) of concern. Also, the values we clarify through this exercise often serve as compass points to guide the direction of our lives beyond addiction. For many, including myself, being able to articulate and aim to live by what we record on that simple worksheet is the foundation upon which our recovery plan is built.
Our SMART Recovery meeting in Henderson, Nevada, makes it a priority to revisit the HOV tool regularly, both to acquaint new attendees with it and to encourage everyone to keep the results of their work top of mind as they ponder daily decisions within the framework of: “How is this thing I am about to think, say, or do compatible with what I consider truly important?”
Recently, we found yet another use for the HOV tool. We used it to define the values of our meeting; the things that matter most in how we conduct ourselves individually and collectively when we gather. Here is the result. These are the things we strive our meetings to be:
Welcoming: Our meeting is open to everyone considering change, regardless of behavior(s) of concern, whatever their goals, and no matter the stage and state of their journey. We are a diverse group of people united by the idea that whoever we are, wherever we come from, however we got here, the next best chance to change our lives for the better begins now. The focus of our meetings is on learning, discussing, and applying SMART Recovery principles, tools and strategies. At the same time, we do not try to force change upon anyone or dictate to others what their plan should look like or how it should be accomplished. Although some of us use SMART Recovery as a stand-alone program, we encourage our meetings to be used in combination with whatever we decide best empowers us to achieve our goals. This includes clinical treatment, harm reduction, medication-assisted recovery, and participation in other peer support groups among myriad other options. And just as people are welcomed without condition into our meetings, we are also free to cease participation without judgement when we decide the time is right to move on.
Motivational: A fundamental measure of success for our meetings is the degree to which we influence one another to stay committed to positive change as we define it. The primary way we motivate is by being empathetic listeners who seek to understand and affirm each other’s decision to begin their change process; to help energize it with purpose and direction; to sustain it the face of challenges and setbacks; and to celebrate progress, whether it is in giant leaps or even the tiniest of steps forward. Many arrive at our meetings with the extrinsic motivation that comes from experiencing the consequences of their behavior(s) of concern. Often, these experiences “jump start” the process of change. In our meetings we seek to enhance these motivators with a deeper intrinsic, more personal desire to change that is based upon how working toward our goals is resulting in improved emotional health and a greater sense of personal fulfilment. This is what we believe sustains the change for the longer term and the lasting success of building a life beyond addiction.
Forward-Focused: There are no “do-overs” in life; there is only the opportunity to make fresh starts. In our meetings we seek to minimize time spent on what happened yesterday in favor of focusing on what we plan to do tomorrow. We emphasize putting our pasts in proper perspective (neither all bad just as much as not all good), practicing self-compassion (talking to ourselves like friends), and forgiving ourselves (especially for things we didn’t know before we learned it). We support each other in this “letting go of the past” so we can get busy with the things that matter right now, in the present, to move our change process forward. Every meeting is an opportunity to reflect on our current situation, to evaluate the choices before us, and to answer the question: “What am I going to do NOW?”
Practical: Consistent with our forward focus, we strive to make sure that the content of our meetings is on ideas that are actionable--things we can use immediately. Our goal is for each meeting to have something for the head, something for the heart, and something for the feet. Head: Something new is learned or an existing idea is revisited with a fresh perspective. Heart: Something positively affects our feelings about the work in which we are engaged. Feet: A “takeaway,” something new in our toolbox to try before the next meeting. Also, consistent with the notion of “self-management” in the SMART Recovery acronym, our meetings have the greatest impact when we take the time between meetings to reflect upon meeting content, to apply our “takeaways,” to evaluate their effect, and to share the results at subsequent meetings. Important to this is familiarity with the SMART Recovery Handbook, and our meeting will work to make a copy available to every participant to own or borrow.
Empowering: We reject the idea that we are powerless over our behavior(s) of concern. Our life experience shows us that we have the power to change when we are motivated to do so, when we settle on a plan, and when we persevere against challenges and setbacks, including our own ambivalence and complacency. No matter how powerful the grip a behavior seems to have on us, there is always the power of choice, the ability for each of us to decide how we will think, feel, and act in any situation. We believe that there is space between being stimulated to take an action and the actual taking of that action. And in that space, we strive what we have learned and discussed in our meetings to help us make choices that work better for us.
So, as illustrated, the power of defining values can be a group exercise as well as an individual pursuit. When we used it as a group, it brought participants together in a manner that deepened our sense of mutual support and promoted group cohesion.
SMART Recovery is a science- and evidence-informed program that provides educational and peer support to those who want to abstain and gain independence from all addictive behaviors, whether or not they involve alcohol or drugs. The program emphasizes building motivation and self-empowerment skills, employing strategies to control urges, managing thoughts at the root of addictive behaviors and living a healthy, balanced life. Go to the “Meetings” tab at www.smartrecovery.org to find an in-person or online meeting to attend.