[Guest Blog by SMART Facilitator Rick Kuplinski]
Many newcomers to SMART Recovery arrive undecided whether to pursue abstinence vs. moderation when it comes to substance use addictions. Many of us have a hard time with the “forever” notion of abstinence and we cling to hope that we can be a “normal” user (even if we never really were or haven’t been for a long time).
Let’s be clear: You are welcome at SMART Recovery meetings and are invited to use SMART Recovery tools and strategies whether you want to try abstinence or not. This includes you if you are pursuing goals that involve controlled use, harm reduction, Medication-Assisted Treatment (MAT), or even moderation as a long-term goal. SMART does not tell us what our recovery goal should be. That’s because research has established that we change behavior most effectively when we are empowered to set and act upon our own plans—not someone else dictating these for us.
But at the same time: SMART Recovery strongly urges us all to duly consider abstinence as an option. This is true for a trial period abstinence as an effective way to begin our recovery journeys. And it is true for abstinence as a long-term approach if we decide that not continuing to use at all is the approach that works best for us.
Confused? If you got whiplash by what you just read, then check out Page 17 through 18 of the SMART Recovery Handbook 4th Edition. There you will find a more detailed explanation of SMART’s position, plus some strong points to consider in favor of choosing abstinence as a long-term goal (or at least taking it on the road for an extended test drive.)*
But rather than repeat here what’s there, let me offer my own two cents as a facilitator who, like most facilitators, is in recovery, too (in my case from long-term Alcohol Use Disorder). I share my personal experience not because it is unique, but quite the opposite because it is so common to others.
Forever is a long time. Until it isn’t. At first, I could not even get my brain around the idea of not drinking again forever. That’s because it felt like I had been drinking since . . . forever. So, even 30 days abstinent felt impossible. But it wasn’t. So, 60 days suddenly seemed less impossible. Then 90 days entered realm of possibility. And from there each successive milestone became more and more certain. From this experience it became clear that I was “awfulizing” abstinence, i.e., overestimating the potential seriousness or negative consequences of a situation in an unhelpful way. So, this is what it meant, I learned, when all those people at SMART meetings told me to “trust the process."
“Bruce Willis is still dead” and other urge-coping strategies. Of course, the length of forever did not get shortened without reaching regularly into my SMART Recovery toolbox. This included using the urge-coping strategies you’ll find in the handbook and that we discuss at meetings. There are a lot of them to try, but my favorites are the ones that suggest we “play the tape forward” to recall the consequences that are likely to occur from repeating addictive behavior. This always makes me think of the 1999 movie The Sixth Sense. I loved that movie. And the first time I saw it I fell hook, line and sinker for the twist ending. But watching the movie again would never be the same because now I know the story. SPOILER ALERT: The Bruce Willis character was dead the whole time! I feel the same way whenever I play the tape forward on the movie of my drinking life and my serial attempts at moderation. I already know what happens to that guy! Maybe I didn’t know that before. But now I do. So, do I really need to watch this movie again?
FOMOs have a shelf life. Fear Of Missing Out is thinking that things will never be the same again without drugs, alcohol, etc., and that abstinence will leave an unfillable hole in our lives. I had many FOMOs. I am a foodie = “How will I cook without a drink in hand?” I watch football games on TV = “Without beer?” I live in Las Vegas = “No more partying on The Strip?” But I learned that these and other FOMOs lost their potency over time. This happened because I deliberately disassociated things I like from their connection to alcohol by re-associating them with the re-discovered joy of enjoying them sober (and without hangovers and regret in their wake).
The quantum shift sealed the deal. I experienced two huge shifts in motivation during my stages of change. The first was the motivational shift. This is when I went from feeling I needed to change (primarily for reasons mostly suggested to me by others and the world) to feeling I wanted to change (for more deeply held personal reasons). More specifically it went like this for me: I started recovery thinking that "I need to change because I drink too much," but this evolved as recovery progressed to "I want to change so I can respect myself again." Then, the second shift was the quantum shift. This is when my experience with change affirmed my motivational shift, AND . . . it told me that "life is better like this, and I like me more this way." This affirmed my decision to change and made me more confident that the choice of abstinence works for me. I doubt that this quantum shift would have occurred if I had spent my days constantly weighing the question of to drink or not to drink and how much is enough.
* If you have been drinking or abusing drugs heavily for some time and plan to stop, consult a doctor first. It may be dangerous, even life threatening to stop “cold turkey” after a long period of continued use.
SMART Recovery is a science- and evidence-informed program that provides educational and peer support to those who want to abstain and gain independence from all addictive behaviors, whether or not they involve alcohol or drugs. The program emphasizes building motivation and self-empowerment skills, employing strategies to control urges, managing thoughts at the root of addictive behaviors and living a healthy, balanced life. Go to the “Meetings” tab at www.smartrecovery.org to find an in-person or online meeting to attend.